


All Shades of the Summer Sun

by sunnyseaside



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Character Study, Introspection, M/M, No Smut, a bit of angst, fwb-kinda thing, mentions of umm sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28165179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyseaside/pseuds/sunnyseaside
Summary: Miya Atsumu's rumination on his relationship with Hinata Shouyo and all the things he chooses to ignore.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	All Shades of the Summer Sun

The early morning sun filtered through his sheer window curtains and cast a glow in his dark room. He grazes his hand against the bed only to find it empty and sans of a warm body beside him. He sighed, letting the sound permeate through the air and join him in his lonely sorrow. Atsumu sits up and poises his elbow upon his knee; he shivers from the cold autumn air passing through the slightly opened window, his head hanging low.

A moment’s passed and he looks to the empty space on the bed for two, a small huff escaping his mouth and a sardonic smile touching his lips. He lingers in his despair for a while before resolving to get up and take care of his aching hunger, at least.

He stood up and felt his body ache almost instantly; his thighs shake and his whole being throbs. He went to his bathroom mirror to see the extent of damages and didn't know whether to be aroused or horrified at the number of marks and scratches that littered the expanse of his chest and back. 

_(He decided he quite liked how possessive it all appeared, but pushed the thought to the darkest corners of his mind)._

Once seated on the single chair on his small table, cereal turning soggy in front of him, he counts the number of times he woke up feeling like shit; a single string of thread connecting it all. His apartment is a painful reminder of that thread; high up Tokyo City, it rises above the ground with the living room clad in floor to ceiling windows, providing him an overview of the city night lights and the early morning sun currently touching his skin. The only barrier between him and the direct heat of it being the flimsy curtains he set-up precisely for days when the sun shone the brightest. Enough to block out the worst of it, but not entirely so the shine could still give him light.

It hurts to look at the sun, he thinks. He never really liked summer, after all. Those humid months reminiscent of the taste of cold treats burning in his tongue, in an attempt to stave off the heat, and the hot summer breeze fanning his face. He would get into more altercations with his twin during those times; both highly irritable and easily riled up.

Speaking of his twin, he should probably call him. So he does and immediately regrets it right after.

“Oi.” Osamu merely grunted in response.

“What’re you calling so early, for?” There was a yawn and another voice in the background, telling him to go back to sleep.

“Is that Keiji-kun?”

“Yeah, now go away. You’re ruinin’ my morning.” Atsumu knows his twin’s glad that he called to check up on him. He probably won’t admit it, though, stubborn as he is.

“Fine, fine. I was just calling to see how you were doing, anyway. Or rather who—“

"If you want to live, you'll shut up right now." Atsumu grins at that. He needed this; threats in the morning to push his unsavory emotions from occupying his thoughts.

"Did you need something'?" He probably was silent for longer than he should've because Osamu started to be suspicious. "Is this about your little deal with Shouyo? I swear to god, Tsumu, I told you to drop that already. You're obviously falling and--"

"Oh, wow, look at that. Sorry, Samu. I need to go. Bye."

He hung up the line and Atsumu let out a small breath of relief which immediately fell as soon as the call set in. He’s happy for his brother, really. Although he can’t help but feel how unfair it all was. Osamu followed his dreams, is killing it with his business, and now is in a happy and loving relationship with his manga editor of a boyfriend. So yeah, Atsumu is a little green at the thought that his brother is two steps ahead in his life while he is stuck in a sea of uncertainty with his.

He looks at the phone in his hand, still open, and scrolls through his diminutive contact list. His eyes lingering on one particular name; heart aching at the thought of calling _him_ after he just up and went at the break of dawn earlier.

Out of his better judgment, he calls the number. The line picked up almost immediately and his stomach fell at his stupidity. Did he really just call after only a few hours of seeing each other? God, he's being clingy, isn't he? He's breaking their agreement and being a needy little—

"Atsumu-san? Is there something wrong?" The gentle voice breaks him out of his reverie. 

Atsumu had two options: either he admits he misses him or play dumb and say it was a slip of the finger.

Given that Atsumu is dumb, of course, he chooses the second option. “Sorry, Shou-kun, I think my finger slipped and called you.” 

There was an unreadable tone in Shouyo’s amused small laughter; one that Atsumu is too much of a dense rock to understand. “Oh, of course. I’ll hang up now, then.”

Despite him being the one who admitted it was a mistake, Atsumu still couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. At himself, at Shouyo-kun; the line’s all blurred now as to why and how he’s even feeling this way. Okay, that’s a lie; he knows why, but he doesn’t want to admit or say it out loud lest it becomes a parasite latched over his heart, a painful reminder of his unresolved feelings for someone.

He put the phone face down with more force than necessary and dragged a hand down his face, sighed deeply, and groaned quietly. He feels pathetic for demanding and needing more from Shouyo when it was against the very fundamentals of their arrangement in the first place. 

Nothing was quite enough for Atsumu, huh.

He had known it since he was just a small human being, wailing out loud if his mother so much as carried or cooed at another baby that was not him. He had known it when his twin was picked as the setter, getting the position of the one who controls and orchestrates the game despite him wanting it more than anyone, over him; he felt control slip through his fingers so he trained even harder than before and witnessed his efforts come into fruition when he gained the respect of his peers and adults alike. But of course, that still wasn't enough.

His greed and hunger had always been embedded into the deep crevices of his intricate mind, floating along his subconscious. He never felt the need to apologize for his behavior. After all, it was the same hunger that got him to where he's at in life. He never minded much for niceties and doing things the proper way; he bulldozes more than paves his path to make way for the things he knows he earned and deserves.

But love is unfortunately not something you can work your way to. It is this intangible, complex, and irritating thing that hits you right when you don’t want it. It is during moments you absolutely do not want your icky feelings to get involved where it _decides_ to get involved. Say ‘do not fall in love’ and you find yourself doing the very thing you swore not to.

His appetite gone and replaced with a bitter taste in his mouth, he shoves his cereal down his throat with no care for much chewing, only doing it to appease his need for food. 

The front door of his unit opened and he snapped his head up in alarm. The rustling sound of plastic and the chime of keys can be heard throughout. 

_An intruder?_ But that can’t be. He is in a high-rise condominium; surely the security in the building is tight-knit? 

It was all too late when the trespasser stepped into the room. All his plans for self-defense went out the window when the sight of orange locks and a warm smile muttered the words, "I'm home," softly, like saying a prayer to the gods above. His gaze stuck on Shouyo’s upper body, clad in a windbreaker so obviously his. His heart clenched at the sight.

"Shouyo..." The man in question smiled even more at the utterance of his name. Although a frown took place on his face when he saw the pathetic bowl of soggy cereals in front of Atsumu.

“Why are you eating that? I thought I told you I’d be making breakfast.” He says all the while arranging the things he bought in the cupboards. 

“What? When?” Atsumu racked his brain to when Shouyo could’ve made that promise but ended up with nothing. Such words would’ve sat in his heart already in anticipation.

“Didn’t you see my note?” He says while rifling through the remaining contents of the bag, “I told you I’d be back in a few hours after taking a jog and grocery shopping.”

Shouyo didn’t wait for a response and went to cook right away. Atsumu’s bafflement is still visible on his face and Shouyo’s presence is only making it worse. 

Shouyo squinted at the lack of natural lighting inside and parted the curtains for better light. The light of the sun hit him full force and he managed to keep his eyes open, enough for him to marvel at the sight of Shouyo basking in the glow of the sunrise, looking as ethereal as the myths have regaled to him in school. 

The view was unfortunately cut short when he had to go back to the kitchen to resume his cooking. At the glorious sight of Shouyo in his kitchen, adorning an apron and his wide back turned to Atsumu, his predicament was only made worse. What is all this?

They never did this. There wasn’t a time where they stayed at each other’s places and spent the morning together. Despite Atsumu wanting nothing more than to stay like this forever, this wasn’t normal for them. The domesticity of it all was suffocating him.

He wanted this for a long time now. But now that it’s right in front of him, he can’t help but question how did it happen? Is this Shouyo’s sick take on a joke?

He didn’t realize he was already walking towards the kitchen until he met Shouyo’s equally astounded face, confused as to why he's standing eerily still in front of the stove he was about to cook on.

“Why?” His trembling voice says.

“What do you mean why?”

“Why--why are you here? What are you doing?”

“I’m cooking, Atsumu. Isn’t it obvious alrea--”

“That’s not what I meant.” He hears his voice raise and he flinches as Shouyo takes a step toward him. Something about the sun makes him feral and agitated.

“I don’t get you. We don’t do _this_ ,” he gestured to the whole scene. “We fuck and leave in the morning, remember? Our intimacy is limited to the bedroom and in cuddles after but not like this--not like couples who cook for each other in the morning and--and actively come back in the morning. In the morning! Not even at night, but in the morning where people can see us and just what are we?” His voice had an edge of desperation at the end.

It irks him to see Shouyo remain composed and calm while his brain is melting down. Did he not care for this as much as I do? Is what remains unsaid.

A few moments of uncomfortable silence lingers in the air before Shouyo spoke up.

“When I woke up earlier with you by my side, I had a thought. I was caressing your hair and the thought that I wanted to do that forever struck me. Truth is, I panicked and left you a note after that. I disguised it as jogging and grocery shopping but in truth, I went to ask for help from a lot of people.” He let out an exhale and a small smile before continuing, “Before you, I didn’t really have serious relationships. Not like I could have anyway with how I jumped from Japan to Brazil and Japan again in only a few years. Additionally, I didn’t really love someone enough to stay in one place.” His intense gaze locked with Atsumu’s.

“What I’m trying to say is, I love you, Atsumu-san.” Atsumu inhaled sharply and his eyes widened. His heart started beating fast and threatened to jump out of his chest. His hands are shaky as he lifts them to his face.

“Is this real?” He looks at his hands, the way they’re trembling, and was at awe at how real his delusion seems to be. 

Shouyo takes them in his and raises them to his lips, kissing them all over; reverently, he takes one hand and trails butterfly kisses on the palm and the back, doing the same to the other later on. “It’s very much real.”

Atsumu had calmed down now; as calm as he could be when the object of his dreams and fantasies had just confessed. 

“Shouyo-kun what does this mean for us?”

He paused in his reverent kissing to gaze up at Atsumu who has worry etched on his brows. “Whatever you want it to be, _amoreco._ ”

Atsumu doesn’t know the meaning or translation of the word but the raspy, almost breathy sound of Shouyo saying it is enough to tickle his bones and make his face flush red. 

“Then... would you be my boyfriend?”

Shouyo smiled, a genuine and soft one unlike his usual feral grin; a smile reserved for him and him only. His heart swells. 

“Of course.”

That day, Atsumu conquered the sun which used to devour everything in its path. He grounded it and brought it back to the earth, all for him to love and adore. Gone was his hatred for summer, replaced only with appreciation for the burning intensity of the sun, signaling it would glow even brighter than it did. 

At night, he barely felt the cold evening breeze in the room; satiated and kept warm by the body next to his. His laugh, this time, is one of bliss and joy; no longer hollow and empty. His heart is full. And he knows it will remain that way for the rest of his days.


End file.
